Sexual Detours: Infidelity and Intimacy at the Crossroads Hardback - 2000

The Startling Truth Behind Love, Lust, and Infidelity

At long last, we have a book about affairs that is not about blame. Sexual Detours offers an illuminating-and powerful-portrait of the human psyche that sheds light on the hidden dark recesses of the world of infidelity. Its striking and metaphorical language unravels the secrets behind affairs.

This book is for anyone who has ever been enchanted and beguiled by the idea of a romance; entangled in a clandestine relationship; devastated by betrayal; recovering from loss; or even simply hoping to find love and happiness. In short, everyone.

We've all thought about having an affair. Who hasn't wondered what it would be like to have a relationship with that special person . . . right next door . . . in the other office . . . or just around the corner? We all crave ecstasy, obsession, excitement, and romance. And we all find intimacy and elusive chimera slipping from our grasp. Sometimes, we look for solace in the arms of a lover and seek a romantic exit on the highway of our lives as we struggle with our dreams and wishes, fears and realities.

With insight and sensitivity, Dr. Holly Hein leads us on a voyage of discovery that explores the true meaning behind our sexual detours. She shows us why we do it. How we do it. And what to do about it. Dr. Hein clarifies that an affair reveals more about our selves than about our sex lives; it is more about the chemistry of escape than about sexual lightening. And, ultimately, an affair is more about the betrayal of the self than it is about breaking marriage vows.

Every affair has a cover story and carries a secret message written in code-it is as unique as a fingerprint. Dr. Hein explains how to decipher the hidden code and to interpret the true message behind the cover story, repairing the cables of communication and translating the language of the inner world. Vivid case histories illustrate how unrecognized, unexpressed needs often surface in disguise, leading us to take flight and reject what our partner symbolizes as we seek escape in the fantasy of a tryst. Dr. Hein illustrates how an affair conceals the real issues-showing us how to recognize this-and tells us what steps to take in order to have more rewarding intimate relationships.

Sexual Detours is a beacon to all who have been touched by the anguish, denial, resentment, guilt, and shame of an affair, encouraging us to emerge from the pain of infidelity and create a self-awareness that will forge the bonds of a lasting intimacy.