Excerpt
1
Because of Cockroaches
I sat outside Mrs. StearnsâÈçs office, waiting to hear my fate. I was pretty sure this was the first time in history a kid had gotten in trouble for ruining the Fifth Grade End-of-the-Year Celebration. According to a number of my classmates, I had upended a container of cockroaches on top of Roxie JohnsonâÈçs head before running out into the hall and pulling the fire alarm.
I had pulled the alarmâÈ'but only to buy myself some time to think, and honestly, the part about me bringing in a box of roaches to get back at Roxie was a much safer explanation than what had really happened.
I stared at the closed door, listening to the angry, muffled conversation on the other side. My parents had been in there for more than an hour, and IâÈçd made out the word âÈêexpulsionâÈë no less than four times.
The secretary, Mrs. Beamer, sat at her desk typing, but she looked up every few minutes to shake her head and glare at me like I was a cockroach. I wanted to tell her the whole thing was a horrible accident. That the wish IâÈçd made had just slipped out after Roxie had humiliated me in front of the entire fifth grade.
I wanted to tell Mrs. Beamer how extra careful IâÈçd been over the years to not say the word wish in publicâÈ'and how I never, ever wouldâÈçve said it if IâÈçd known RoxieâÈçs hair would disappear along with the roaches.
I squeezed my eyes shut to erase the picture of RoxieâÈçs bald head from my mind. Mrs. Stearns had insisted I take a âÈêlong, hard lookâÈë at a sobbing Roxie so I could see âÈêthe devastationâÈë IâÈçd caused with my âÈêlittle prank,âÈë while the school nurse, Mrs. Pope, had said she was sure it was an extreme allergic reaction to cockroaches that had made RoxieâÈçs hair spontaneously fall out.
I leaned over and put my head in my hands. How had I let this happen? How could I have slipped up in front of everyone? The only good thing was that nobody knew my secretâÈ'nobody knew my wishes really came true.
As I sat across from Mrs. Beamer, I remembered the disastrous wish IâÈçd made six years ago. My parents are entomologists, or in other words, big, fat bug nuts, and weâÈçd stopped for the night on the way home from the twenty-fifth annual Putnam County Cockroach Appreciation Conference in Texas. It was my birthday, and I wasnâÈçt exactly happy spending what shouldâÈçve been the most exciting day of the year besides Christmas surrounded by scientists applauding the virtues of the worldâÈçs most indestructible insect.
To make it up to me, my parents surprised me in our hotel room with a little pink cake topped with five blue candles.
âÈêBlow them out and make a wish, Maggie,âÈë Mom said.
I let out a big puff, then closed my eyes. âÈêI wish I had a monkey like the one in Barty Bananas Saves the Circus,âÈë I whispered.
My eyes flew open in a flash as the piercing cry of a chimpanzee, followed by my parentsâÈç screams, echoed in the room.
Right in front of meâÈ'sitting in my cakeâÈ'was a scowling Barty Bananas wearing a yellow-and-red-striped vest. At first I was upset that the cake was ruined. I mean, even a five-year-old knows better than to eat something a monkeyâÈçs butt has been sitting in. But then I looked at my parents.
Their eyes were wide, their mouths hung open; they looked like they were on the verge of keeling over.
I didnâÈçt understand. Yes, Barty Bananas had flattened the cake; but my wish had come true, so why werenâÈçt they happy?
The chimp howled again, dipped his long fingers in the cake, and flung a chunk at my dadâÈ'covering his face in a splatter of pink frosting. My mom shook her head disbelievingly and stared at Barty, opening and closing her mouth like a fish on dry land.
Barty bared his yellow teeth and shrieked. DadâÈçs eyes rolled back, and he hit the floor like a coconut dropping from a palm tree.
It didnâÈçt take a genius to figure out that the problem wasnâÈçt Barty Bananas shaking his pink-frosted behind and flinging cake around the room. The problem was that my parents hadnâÈçt expected my wish to come true.
With my dad passed out and my mom looking like she might join him any second, I wished Barty and the mess away, and sat on the bed looking innocently at my magically repaired cakeâÈ'candles still smoking.
Once my dad came to, he started talking about group hallucinations and something called LegionnairesâÈç disease thatâÈçs common at conventions. My mom kept asking me how Barty had appeared, but I pretended I didnâÈçt know what they were talking about.
The cake went uneaten, and I learned an important lessonâÈ'people like magic in storybooks, far away from real life.
From that point on, I was always on my best behavior, because I was a little worried about what parents did with kids who could conjure up crazed monkeys. I even had nightmares about being sent to a home for the magically insane.
So after BartyâÈçs appearance I tried not to wish for anything unless I was in my room with the door locked. And I didnâÈçt wish for anything big like a monkeyâÈ'just candy and an occasional soda. Because besides insects, my parents are obsessed with healthy foods, and thereâÈçs just so much chocolate-flavored tofu a kid can eat without craving the real thing.
There was also the time I wished up some earthworms to scare my babysitter, Ashley, who was more interested in texting her boyfriend than playing with me. She ended up with a lapful of garter snakes instead of wormsâÈ'a classic example of how sometimes my wishes go wrongâÈ'and after that I realized I had to be extra, extra careful and keep my magic under wraps! And IâÈçd been doing a great job, if I do say so myselfâÈ'until today.
Finally, Mrs. StearnsâÈçs door opened, and I jumped up. Mom and Dad looked as pale as they had when Barty had made his appearance.
âÈêLetâÈçs go,âÈë Dad said. I gulped as I stared at a vein IâÈçd never noticed before bulging on his forehead.
Mom turned to Dad. âÈêMaybe Connecticut,âÈë she muttered.
My heart just about stopped. Connecticut was where Gram lived. Gram, who I only saw once a year when sheâÈçd come out for Thanksgiving. Gram, whoâÈçd never been a cookie-baking, huggy kind of grandmother. Gram, who never smiles.
âÈêConnecticut?âÈë I asked as we left the building.
Mom sighed. âÈêNothingâÈçs been decided, but we are in the difficult position of finding a new school for you next year.âÈë
We got in the car and drove home in silence.
Two weeks later my worst fear came true.
âÈêI thought Connecticut was out! I thought you said there was a good chance I could get into Buxton Prep?âÈë
âÈêWe canâÈçt afford the tuition,âÈë Dad said.
âÈêMy grades are pretty goodâÈ'maybe I could get a scholarship?âÈë
Mom shook her head. âÈêIâÈçve already spoken to the admission officer. Expulsion from the Academy district disqualifies you from scholarship awards.âÈë
âÈêDid you tell them Roxie had been bullying me?âÈë
âÈêRoxieâÈçs teasing does not excuse what you did, young lady!âÈë Mom snapped.
I hung my head and, for the hundredth time this week, considered telling them the truth. âÈêYou could homeschool me,âÈë I said instead.
âÈêWell, that would be rather difficult, considering your mother and I will be in South America.âÈë
My eyes nearly popped out of my head. âÈêWhat?âÈë
My parents exchanged looks. Mom nodded at Dad and they turned to face me.
âÈêYou know Professor Nelson,âÈë Dad said, âÈêthe head of the Entomology Department?âÈë
I nodded as my stomach fluttered nervously.
âÈêWell,âÈë Mom continued, âÈêshe received some grant money to do an insect species count in the Amazon.âÈë
I nodded again and felt a lump welling up in my throat.
âÈêProfessor Nelson had asked us to be on the team a few weeks ago,âÈë Mom said. âÈêIt was an incredible honor and an amazing chance to discover new species and maybe even a new cockroach. We told her we couldnâÈçt possibly go, but now . . .âÈë
shook my head in disbeliefâÈ'first my friend Sarah had e-mailed to tell me her parents had forbidden her to come over anymore, and now my parents were abandoning me too.
âÈêYouâÈçre choosing cockroaches over me?âÈë
âÈêItâÈçs not like that at all,âÈë Dad said. âÈêThis is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for your mother and me. Besides, itâÈçll give you a chance to get to know your grandmother better.âÈë
âÈêBut I donâÈçt want to get to know Gram better!âÈë
Mom reached out and put her hand on my arm. âÈêItâÈçs only for a year.âÈë
I yanked my arm away and stood up. âÈêA year? I have to live with Gram for a whole year?âÈë
âÈêYou can reapply to the Academy district after that,âÈë Mom said, âÈêand by then IâÈçm sure everyone will have had time to forget about what happened.âÈë
I rolled my eyes. Like anyone would ever forget RoxieâÈçs cockroach makeover. I already knew I could never go back to Academy, but IâÈçd thought that if I did go to Connecticut, Mom and Dad would be coming with me.
I looked at my parents staring at me, and a tear tumbled down my cheek. âÈêBut why canâÈçt I come with you? I wonâÈçt be any trouble, I swear!âÈë
Mom sighed. âÈêOh, Maggie, the Amazon isnâÈçt exactly kid-friendly. Believe me, we thought long and hard about this. We wouldnâÈçt send you to your grandmotherâÈçs if we didnâÈçt think youâÈçd be happy there.âÈë
âÈêAnd you wonâÈçt go until just before school starts, so weâÈçll have lots of time to be together,âÈë Dad said, like that would make everything okay.
âÈêI canâÈçt believe youâÈçre doing this to me.âÈë I was so mad, I considered wishing up an encore performance from Barty Bananas! âÈêHow could you leave me to count a bunch of cockroachesâÈ'who even cares how many there are, anyway?âÈë
âÈêI know itâÈçs hard for someone your age to understand,âÈë Dad said. âÈêBut itâÈçs a very important biodiversity study, honey.âÈë
âÈêThis is an opportunity for you, too,âÈë Mom added. âÈêA whole new state to explore, new friends to discover. ItâÈçll be a fresh start.âÈë
I brushed my blond bangs out of my eyes and folded my arms across my chest. âÈêOh, greatâÈ'a fresh start with someone I see once a year.âÈë
Dad stood up and walked over to me. He wrapped his arms around me and I started cry. âÈêI know you donâÈçt get to see your grandmother that often, but I think sheâÈçs really looking forward to your stay.âÈë
Yeah, I was sure the woman who couldnâÈçt even be bothered to sign my birthday card was really looking forward to having me move in.
Âû 2010 Amanda Marrone
